I Wrote A Blog Today - 9/17/17

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My team has been in Cambodia for over a week now, and my goal had been the same everyday since our arrival: I am going to write a blog today. And everyday it has come to the same ending: I did not write a blog today. I have not been able to put into words how I have felt these past few days. And to be honest, I still can't. It's more like a series of thoughts and feelings and events replaying in my head of the days past. I keep telling myself, "Margaret, you have to get your point across. It is important." Writing this blog has caused unnecessary stress for no other reason than me being ridiculous. I don't even have to write a blog! No one is making me sit here and put my thoughts into words. But I am, because it is important. 
It is important to know that when I first arrived at training camp, I was full of excitement and joy. It is also important to know that the second day of training camp, I wanted to go home. I wanted to go home so badly and so quickly that if someone said that this trip was canceled, I would have thrown a party. Because that's what sleepiness and anxiety do to you. They make you want to go home.
It's important to know that when we arrived at the Atlanta airport to begin our travels, I was overjoyed at the very thought of hopping on a plane to go to LA, and then wake up the next morning and be on another plane for 13 hours. This was such an adventure, why wouldn't I be excited? Another important thing to know is that on that long plane ride, I cried 3 times and regretted ever logging onto the AIM website. I wanted to go home. Not the first time, not the last time.
It is important to know that when we landed in Cambodia, I was so exhausted from planes and airports and travel, that I didn't care where the heck I was, as long as I could sleep.
It is important to know that the faces I saw the next morning when we walked to the orphanage made everything so completely worth it. The voices screaming "soccer!" and "hello!" as we approached made my day. In that moment, I didn't care about my 2 hours of sleep or puffy eyes. The only thing that was important in that moment were the souls standing before me. The ones that God called me to come serve and love. 
It is important to know that nothing here is easy for me, because I am so out of my comfort zone. I cry, I get sad and homesick, and I feel like maybe I'm not cut out to do this.
But what is most important is that the feeling that I get when I see the kids at New Hope Orphanage and in the English classes I teach on weekdays. The people in the markets and the random cows in the road are important. My teammates and my hosts and my friends are important. All of these things make all of the emotional roller coaster rides worth it. I would not trade these experiences for anything, and I can't wait to share more of them with everyone that I possibly can.
All the love,
Margaret

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