Operation: Friendship

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help another up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Are you strategic with how you choose your relationships? This question has been running through my mind a lot in the past week. A mentor in my life asked a group in our church this question, and I didn't even know how to answer. Honestly, I was a little taken aback. My first thought was something along the lines of, "What the heck are you talking about?"

He went on to ask, "What are you getting from those relationships? How are the benefiting you?" My initial reaction was a holier than thou one. I thought, "I don't need to gain anything from a relationship. That's selfish." Boy, was I wrong. I was not looking at this topic from a biblical standpoint at all.

After I graduated high school, I realized my circle of friends was a lot smaller than I had previously believed it was. It became very clear that I only called some pope my friends due to the fact that I was surrounded by them for 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. These were my friends because we were always together, and really for no other reason than that. The simple fact of our vicinity was what made us "friends." After graduation, everyday I went to work, went home, went to sleep, and started the whole process over again. The company I kept quickly switched from classmates to coworkers, and eventually to some people my age that I thought were my saving grace in a time of need. I changed my surroundings to fit who I was at a certain time in my life, and it caused me to change along with it.

I became who I was around most often, the good and the bad. I had a friend who introduced me to new music, and I learned I loved that music. Not too bad, right? I hung out with a girl who always wanted a boyfriend, and constantly invited boys to tag along with us. I, in turn, started to think I also needed a boyfriend to be happy. Another friend always joked about how he hated life, and that he was stupid and everything around him was stupid. Those were just jokes though, right? That's the funny stuff to say now, right? So of course, if I say how I hate everything and no one will ever love me because I am stupid, it doesn't mean anything because I don't actually hate everything, it's just for a good laugh! Because everyone knows if you add a good ole' "lmao" to the end of a text, you're just being sarcastic and everyone is meant to laugh. Right?

Wrong. People don't know that. And why would they? Why wouldn't a complete stranger take something at face value? What I came to see after awhile was that the people around you affect who you are as a person, and what you say on an everyday basis. It was a loud wake up call, too. Why would I want friends that make me believe such lies about myself without even realizing it?

A good friend of mine, a real friend, once called me out in such an epic way that I will never forget it. I made a joke about myself, one of those self deprecating ones that you don't know whether to laugh or recommend a counselor. It was so simple. She started off just saying, "I love you, Margaret!" Something very simple, nice and uplifting.

I, trying to be funny, shot back with, "Well, at least someone does."

Even writing this I cringe. Why would I say that? Sometimes I still catch myself trying to be funny in these awful ways, but I am quicker to correct myself now. I thought that was the pinnacle of comedy: making yourself look small so others couldn't do it for you.

My sweet friend gently looked at me and said, "God loves you. And so do a lot of people. Why do you say stuff like that? It's not funny." She did not have a look of bitterness or judgement, but of genuine worry. Her eyes longed for me to find comfort and healing, and to have the words of Jesus in my heart, rather than the nonsense the world had placed in me. I did not know how to answer her question, and all she did was hug me. My pride was screaming, "No! Let me have my humor! I'm funny, and you're too sensitive! Get over it and get off me!"

But that stuck with me. Never in my life had I been given such life giving words that sat in my spirit still to this day. She did not condemn me, but planted a seed. Where she did not condemn, God the Father convicted me. He stripped away my pride until all I had left was the truth, and that is what I think of now when I think of relationships and how they should benefit me.

The truth is this: the company you keep has the power to build you up faster than anything, or the power to destroy you faster than anything. The people you spend the most of your time with matter, because whether you think so or not, that is what fills your heart and flows from your mouth, eventually. My eyes were opened in a new way. Can people tell I'm a Christ follower just by having a conversation with me? Does the light of Jesus shine within me so brightly that people just know there's something different about me? If not, there's a problem.

I'll be the first to say, I still struggle with this. I find myself wanting to tell jokes or add in comments that are not holy or uplifting. It's a battle I fight everyday. But let me tell you how I fight it: with the Word of God, the Holy Spirit, and my friends in my church. This isn't me saying you should only hang out with people from church. That's not right. Jesus didn't just hang out with the disciples, he spoke to prostitutes and tax collectors also. But, his main group of friends were those that would encourage him daily. There is a healthy balance, and you have to pray to find the one that is right for you.

My friends now are those that call out of the blue to ask how my week has been. They are the, "lets's get coffee for no other reason than I was to see you," friends. Ones that will not give me the worldly answers my flesh desires when times a tough, but point me in the direction of God's Word. These are friends that do not call me out, but call me higher. Higher into all God has for me, even when I have trouble seeing it myself. My prayer for you today is that you find community that will help you walk towards God's calling on your life. I pray that you are poured into so you may overflow into others, and that through these relationships you will further the Kingdom here on earth.

All the love,

Margo