Save Changes

I have now been home from Southeast Asia for over a month. I have not been able to form any coherent thought about coming back to America. It is more of just a weird sensation in the pit of my gut. I can't seem to make sense of any of my experience, except the occasional, "Oh yeah, that happened." When asked about my time overseas, the most common question is this: How was your trip? When asked this question, I feel the same emotions twirling around in my stomach and up to my heart each and every time. These include happiness, gratefulness, and extreme feeling of blessing knowing what I was able to be a part of. But the emotions that no one wants to talk about start to show their faces too. These feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, and extreme sense of loneliness. I am so happy I was given the opportunity to serve with 9 other amazing women of God for three months in Thailand and Cambodia. In those months, I was transformed by the love of God and those around me, c...

Over the course of this trip, I have come to realize my most important asset. This asset is not my intelligence, my wardrobe, or my wealth. This asset is my name. When my name is mentioned, what goes through people’s minds? When people hear the name Lauren Fox, what do they think? People I went to high school might think one thing, and my friends or family might think another. Some of them may laugh because of the foolish things I’ve done, and may refuse to take me seriously because of my past. Labels of “flirt” or “lazy” may pop into mind, all because of sinful behavior from years before. Am I always remembered positively or negatively? When I think of the name of God, I think of strength, justice, and unity. The name of God stands for truthfulness and faithfulness. He is the Name Above All Names. His name is good, and brings good thoughts with it. The name of God is peaceful and amazing and is a place of rest. He was the word at the beginning. Oh what a beautiful name it is, the...

I would like to dedicate this blog to a few people. I feel like I need I give a big thank you to these people, and I hope I can string together my words well enough to make one coherent blog. And maybe make one person cry. Hold on, it’s about to get sappy and gross. To Destiny’s Child, thank you for recording and releasing your hit song “Survivor.” You are the basis of so many of my ideas for this blog. Just a few days ago, I started running 2 miles a day with my teammate Lauren. To prepare myself for this miserable journey of self improvement, I made an amazing “girl boss” playlist that you can find on my Spotify. There are about 53 sounds on that playlist, and I just replay that one about 6 times. It is your song that got me through those 2 miles. As your amazing voices played in my ears past my heavy breathing and (maybe) crying, I was reminded that I am indeed a survivor, I’m not gon’ give up, I am a survivor, and I will keep on surviving. To the guy that broke my heart, thank...

My time in Thailand, though just beginning, has already been a trip. The past two weeks have been the toughest of the trip, by far, and I have struggled to adjust. From the beginning of the second half of the trip, in Bangkok, I struggled with leaving my new friends in Cambodia. Where I eventually found comfort in leaving them, I found a new brokenness being in this new place. This big city that I was trying to find a new comfort in, was seeming to break me from the inside out. The truth about Bangkok is this: it is a broken city filled with broken people acting out of their broken hearts. It is not a glamorous and beautiful city as I had once imagined. You walk the streets and you pass bar after bar among clubs and parlors that are all in business because of one thing. This is human trafficking. Let it be known that as I type this, I have suddenly been hit with the weight of this harsh reality. Maybe that’s why I’ve gone two weeks without updating anyone. It is scary and it is di...

Wednesday we arrived in Bangkok, Thailand. Even thought I feel as if only my body is here, but the rest of me is still in Cambodia. We left Kampong Cham on Monday, and stayed in Siem Reap that night and Tuesday, leaving Wednesday morning. While Siem Reap was beautiful and so much fun, giving me the time of my life, I sill felt as though I was missing something. I cried all Sunday, knowing I was going to be leaving my friends. I cried all Monday, missing the faces I had found so much joy with. And I cried Tuesday, not knowing why I was still crying. And I cried Wednesday, scared of everything I was feeling. On this trip, I have been walking in my new found freedom. I have been allowing myself to feel emotions that I normally disregard as unimportant, and have no intention of acting on. I was allowing myself to be heartbroken over leaving the kids in the village. I was allowing myself to be sad and hurt that God would bring me here only to rip me away a month later. So why is this la...

You hear it said all the time how going on a mission trip changes a person forever. How the kids in whatever country have stolen a persons heart and opened their eyes to so much beauty. How the Lord has worked in someone's heart and has given them a new outlook on life. Well I have a little bit to say about all of that, and then some. I won't say I am changed forever, not right now. Because I'm not done being changed. I am still changing, and the Lord is still working in me. I am the same person that I was when I left at the beginning the month, but I hope to be better as the trip goes on. Yes, the people here have changed how I look at some things. I am so thankful for that, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But honestly speaking, while I love working with the children here, I don't think kids ministry is for me. I know I have a heart for it because Jesus has a heart for it, and his heart is mine. But I do not want to pursue it when I get back home. Not ri...

So there's this rooster at our hosts house in Kampong Cham, Cambodia. His name is Shawn. Every morning at 4:30 Shawn does his little rooster thing and cocka-doodle-doos. (Even thought now I hear 'put your pants on!' every time he makes his noise. Thank you, to my wonderful teammate Lauren.) Anyway, my relationship with Shawn has slowly progressed in the time we have spent together in this little village. At first, I hated Shawn. I hated Shawn when he would wake me up at 4:30 AM. I hated Shawn when he would crow at 3 in the afternoon. Like, the sun is up. It has been up for hours. We get it. That's enough. I would even hate Shawn when he wasn't doing anything, because his eyes go two different ways. Like if you're going to be this annoying, at least look me in the eye. Oh wait, you can't do that either. Can we just eat you already? Chicken sounds like a great dinner.  Over time, I have grown to love Shawn. When he wakes me up in the morning, I get excited ...

My team has been in Cambodia for over a week now, and my goal had been the same everyday since our arrival: I am going to write a blog today. And everyday it has come to the same ending: I did not write a blog today. I have not been able to put into words how I have felt these past few days. And to be honest, I still can't. It's more like a series of thoughts and feelings and events replaying in my head of the days past. I keep telling myself, "Margaret, you have to get your point across. It is important." Writing this blog has caused unnecessary stress for no other reason than me being ridiculous. I don't even have to write a blog! No one is making me sit here and put my thoughts into words. But I am, because it is important.  It is important to know that when I first arrived at training camp, I was full of excitement and joy. It is also important to know that the second day of training camp, I wanted to go home. I wanted to go home so badly and so quickly tha...